Do you often feel stuck?
Wanting to move forward but something or someone is holding you back? Are we waiting for an answer or is God waiting for us? Will my outcome be from others telling me what to do- or will my outcome be what God is telling me, and the promises He has for me.
It's one thing to sing/say about laying my life down, its a whole other thing doing. Friends I have been challenged in many ways the past 8 weeks. My heart has been broken and is in the process of being restored and being made new...
I'm only strong because of Christ, in my own strength I am weak. If it were up to me I would walk away, and go back home to Oregon. Staying here and finishing school is a painful and growing process. The second week of January I asked God to challenge me during the 12 weeks I am spending in Kona. Why did I ask Him that? I have never been so challenged spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I know at the end of the day I asked for this challenge because my faith will be made stronger. Testings and trials shape and make us (The potter and the clay). Before coming back to Kona; (back to YWAM) I started to map out my life. I jumped to conclusions and started planning the future. But I left God out of the plans, His plans, and His ways are better than mine.
I've asked God how He can work on me. I heard the words strength and authority to lead. To first be a rock for Him before anyone or anything. To equip me in the art of photography. To be unified to help lead, to find my voice again, be trained, grow, watch others grow, encourage a transformed life, and to love deeper. To remember + apply the simple gospel + never give up and become the women God has called me to be.
I'm a fighter, God has called me to fight and to stand firm on what I believe. Not only stand but live out the lifestyle and this lifestyle is Jesus. He is holy, pure, slow to anger, but was also rejected and humiliated. I'm called to carry His message to any and all who are willing to listen.The beautiful thing about Jesus is the love he gives us, freely. No strings attached 'free will' to make our own decisions which shape and define our life.
I was willing to fight for Isaac, but he wasn't willing to fight back. The easy option is letting go, a re-do and learning from the mistakes. That's how most people function but for me, I am a fighter and I won't back down. Jesus tells me the best things in life are worth fighting for.
My relationship with Isaac was the first Godly relationship I've been in. I've learned to let my guard down, open my heart, and to be loved in returned. Isaac is now a part of my testimony, and I can smile and look back at the memories we've made.
We live, we learn, and we grow. Jesus has shown me that my heart is glass; transparent, seen, fragile, and most importantly protected. I have asked myself:
"Why has this happened?"
Reflecting and processing this question goes back to saying:
"God, use me, make and mold me for the sake of others."
It was worth the hurt in order for freedom to be released. Sometimes we have to be broken in order to love deeper; it is part of the process. The beautiful thing is my identity wasn't found in Isaac, my foundation wasn't shaken. I know later in life I can look back and thank God for His custom plan for my life. Like a beautiful melody, all the instruments have a part to play.
God has a custom design for us all. The question is: are we willing to surrender the pen and let Him write our story?